V

i hope you don't mind...

Sat, 22 Mar 2003 02:19:53 GMT

thank you so much, kathryn, for the offer and the encouragement, but i really don't believe it would be appropriate for me to go with you tomorrow... i was not even present when you were approached. from the way you describe the incident, they did not even offer you the appointment until after you showed her my picture.. and somehow, i am just a little bit.. skeptical of that? i really appreicate you trying to include me, and i definitely support you all the way, but i really don't feel confident enough that they would actually believe i was there for such an interview... i will go with you, but only to be there as your friend and your support. i am familiar with this agency, and i believe they specialize in promotional work and to some degree print work... as an actress, you would be great for that! i am really excited for you, and i am sure it will turn out wonderfully!

Fri, 19 Jul 2002 15:53:51 GMT

*sleepy yawn* Hmm... what should I do today? I think I'll go somwhere.. Detroit, Vegas, Philly, Cherry Grove beach, Charleston, Atlanta... Atlanta! That's it--- I think I'll go to Atlanta. *^^* Bye bye! *blows kisses*

fly away

Thu, 18 Jul 2002 20:25:56 GMT

*smiles* When I was little, I wanted to marry Peter Pan one day. I felt that we would get along quite well, as I was ever so much more fun than Wendy, and of a much sweeter disposition than that of Tinker Bell. I recalled this as I was rearranging some of my favorite books on a shelf, and could not help but smile... perhaps that is one reason why I have such difficulty with composing any sort of career-oriented 'life plan' for various scholarships and similar applications... this is the very sort of thing of which my 'life plan' is consisted! I wonder what anyone would make of 'attain a blissful state of enlightenment' 'discover the secret purpose fo my soul in this incarnation' 'embrace aging with grace and become a wise and beautiful old woman' listed upon my application form... ^^ 'contribute to the world' 'gain financial security enough to maintain my independence' 'learn something new every day, and teach and share with others' 'find another outlet for achieving fullfillment for my mind, body, and soul' *smiles thoughtfully* perhaps those latter examples are no so amiss as that... though I still feel it might be wise to leave off the bit about Peter Pan~

Sat, 13 Jul 2002 22:41:39 GMT

I don't know if you will see this or not, but thank you so much for the postcard, Kat! *hug* Kathryn and I received it this afternoon-- thank you for thinking of us! *^^*

Tue, 09 Jul 2002 02:06:44 GMT

;-; oh, no... I just found out that three of my friends (Nate, Kyle, and Cristina) were robbed at gun point earlier this evening... thankfully, they are all unharmed, though quite shaken up, understandably... thank goodness they are all okay! ;-; I haven't had a very good day; I have had the most inexplicable and unpleasant feeling inside of me today... but at this moment, knowing what could have happened, I feel so... I don't know what to say... it's just hard to breathe, somehow, imagining how they must have felt... ;-;

Thu, 27 Jun 2002 21:04:09 GMT

*smiles* I got my hair cut this afternoon! Yay! With all the swimming I do, I was really quite in need of it. ^^ I had a new stylist today, and she was very sweet. She kept asking if she could 'play' with my hair, and try various things with styling it after the cut-- she was so adorable! It reminded me of how my younger cousins would always get me to play 'doll' with them... but I had to be the doll! *^^* I think I will make my next appointment with my normal stylist, but it was fun to meet someone new. ^^ And speaking of such things, I am finally making an appointment to get a facial here, too. *^^* I am so excited! I am only a bit concerned because my skin is so sensitive-- does anyone have any reccomendations for what types of facials work best for sensitive skin?

Well, slowly I am begining to feeling better from the mild illness that has had me down all week. With any luck, I will feel up to a trip to Raleigh tomorrow that has been postponed for too long! I have a tendancy to over-estimate my energy level, it seems. ^^; I really admire of of my friends who are working full time or part time jobs this summer, I wish I did ot feel so run down ever since the spring semester concluded.

Oh, I have so many little things to do... I can't believe it is almost July! ^^ I am very excited about celebrating the fourth of July holiday, and I hope to find something special to do...
*^^*

oh, dear...

Tue, 25 Jun 2002 03:50:09 GMT

I have been quite ill since Friday, I am afraid... ;-; I have really missed everyone, both all the weekend social engagements I had to break, and even just chatting by telephone, or online... but as always when I am ill, my dreams were frighteningly vivid and otherworldly...

*smiles* On a lighter side, if one could call it such, Kathryn went patrolling, Buffy-style, with a few large knives this evening... ^^; Ah, the wonders of a full moon... I must confess, I often take having a strong intuition for granted, or dismiss it as a nuisance, or even the workings of my own imagination... but tonight, I am unspeakably thankful for it. Though I am still very worried about a few friends...

I fear I do not have the strength right now even to type; to all friends and loved ones reading this, please know how much I've been missing you...

Tue, 18 Jun 2002 23:01:53 GMT

No matter how I try, it seems that I am destined to sleep through the mornings while on vacation! ^^; However, I was up yesterday morning around 8:00~ Kathryn and I spent the day in the park... a picnic, walking by the lake, playing badmitton... ^^ It was wonderful! I love the park by my parent's house like no other place in Charlotte, and I have so many happy memories of being there. Kathryn and I are both hoping to brush up on our tennis game in the next few weeks... *giggle* I can't help but think of this adorable anime series that was shown at Animazement, available on television in all of the hotel rooms... it was much like Shoujo Kakumei Utena, with tennis instead of dueling! Sadly, that was the only anime I actually watched at the convention~ ^^;

I finally purchased a swimsuit, yesterday... I ordered online from my favorite store, which made it a far more relaxing process! *^^* Now I don't have to hide and cringe and vow to refrain from eating until after the package arrives this week~ No, I really don't plan to get upset... I may sigh wistfully when I look at my hips in the mirror, but I have faith that I will one day reach my fitness goal. ^^

I haven't been up to much recently, aside from reading and going out with friends. Speaking of, I have to go and get ready, but I will try and post again soon! ^^

Wed, 12 Jun 2002 01:12:49 GMT

;-; I just received word from my friend Emily that one of my teachers at the university has passed away... I don't yet know the details. As he was not only one of my teachers this past year, but also the teacher of a class I will take this fall, I... just can't believe that it's actually true...

It was in his class that I discovered the true meaning of pacifism, and that I am indeed a pacifist, of the non-lethal force variety... this was a particularly difficult thing to discover about myself in the wake of the September 11 tragedy... it was a cruel way to learn a deceptively simple lesson: the things that we learn in a class will indeed come to play in the 'real' world... I resisted and fought the idea that I might be a pacifist, at first, armed with all the misconceptions that exist about the true meaning of pacifism... but through this class, I learned to accept who I was, and to see pacifism for what it truly was-- Satyagraha: never giving up, defeating your enemy without violence, and without feeling or arousing hatred. Sometime, someday, this could mean dying for your beliefs, but in my heart, I know that this is what I believe in.

I composed an alarming number of papers in this past academic year, but there is one that comes to mind, an 'invocation' for a final project and series of papers that I composed for this very class I have spoken of... it is the most sincere eulogy I can offer, and it warms my heart to know that for once, the things we mean to say were actually said before it was too late...

I believe that all things happen for a reason. Can you make that same claim? I believe that the people I meet and interact with, or even observe, all possess the ability to teach a lesson from which I may learn something of my own self, and of the world. This is a belief that sustains me through moments in life that I might otherwise find pointless or dull. Consequently, I am motivated to look beyond the surface of the events of my life, and allow myself to be guided towards a higher level of understanding. The subjects that I study as part of my formal education are of course included in this-if the endless words of lecture from a professor do not stimulate my mind, then I feel compelled to question what led this person standing before to their chosen profession of teacher, and what influence is it that they truly wish to have upon my life?

I recently received word that a high school instructor of mine had finally lost his fight against brain tumors; his cancer had gone into remission, and taken his life. This instructor taught French, and I must admit that while I adore the French language, this was perhaps my least favorite course at that point in my life. I remember the agony of that class well, and my astonishment at the point when I discovered that my instructor had only missed one full day of classes that entire year-the day of his brain surgery. No matter how minor a role this teacher played in my life, nor mine in his, one cannot deny that countless hours of his time were with me. In spite of all that he was going through, he was obviously determined not to miss a moment... I have since come to understand that time is perhaps one of the most valuable gifts that we may share with others, because I believe that all moments of life have purpose and meaning. I am thankful for the time he spent in my life, however brief, and though I was at best a mediocre student in his class, I have no doubts that I did indeed learn something from him, however long the lesson took to make itself evident.

Even as you read these words, you are sharing a moment of your life with me, and so I would like to thank you for instructing me, for lessons you have already instilled, and for ones that have yet to unveil themselves to me. It is my privilege to present to you this portfolio of my writing, as evidence of what I have already gained from this course.

Tue, 11 Jun 2002 20:29:47 GMT

What a lazy day this has been, thus far~ ^^ I had the absolute pleasure of finally seeing Danielle, yesterday evening... other than the transformation of her beautiful long red curls into an adorable chin-length cut, I don't believe there is any real difference in either of us! ^^ It was wonderful to hear briefly of her adventures overseas, but oddly enough, it was hearing of my own past year that seemed to dominate the conversation... all triggered when she mentioned tht amoung her seven rolls of film, there were some of me, from a trip we went on... I did not think I could understand quite how Nathan felt about seeing pictures of me, the lonliness it would create, but then I understood with all my heart how he must have felt...

I felt so odd around Danielle, my mannerisms, my teasing sense of humor... I did not quite feel myself... I felt far more bold, and it was a rather enjoyable feeling. I think perhaps that now, when I do engage in extremely deep and powerful conversations that involve the flooding of my mind with a vast number of unsorted memories, I must appear to be a bit stronger than I am, somehow, so as to refrain from crying... not that crying is really so bad as that, but it wouldn't do to start crying and be unable to stop.

We ventured out to a small movie theatre complex to view The Lord of The Rings together, as that was something we had been unable to do this past winter; a simple thing, and yet something that I had longed to do... I had forgotten how enchanting the movie was, and I am so glad I was able to view it on a theatre screen once more. Perhaps it was the gorgeous visual impact of the film, or perhaps it was nostalgic reminiscings about the times Danielle and I shared working together at the Renaissance Festival, but I have been daydeaming about creating a Renaissance-inspired costume for myself... I had such a beautiful dream last night, and I want to recreate what I dreampt of... ^^ I am browsing online for possible patterns, at present.... even if nothing is to come of it, daydreaming of such things is such a pleasant way to occupy my thoughts.. ^^

My schedule has gotten so out of balance... I did not return home until 5:00 this morning, and was tempted to simply stay awake and begin an early day... but instead, it is 4:30 in the afternoon, and I have not even had breakfast, yet! ^^; Oh, dear...

Sat, 08 Jun 2002 02:56:01 GMT

'What kind of Wing are you?' by. Xera

Wed, 05 Jun 2002 01:56:24 GMT

*^^* I have not written a journal entry in a while... let's see... on Saturday, we celebrated Kehlee's 20th birthday-- it was intended to be a surprise party, arranged by her thoughtful boyfriend, John... but poor Kehlee! *^^* She is so sweet! She sincerely thought John was trying to 'get rid of her' when he encouraged her to go out with Kathryn and myself for the afternoon...she was so upset, and so of course he had to tell her about the intended surprise! ^^ I love you, Kehlee! I remember a delightful little surprise party that my friends had for me, several years ago.. part of the plan included pretending to forget all about my birthday until the following day, and I actually cried, believing that everyone had indeed forgotten... ^^ My goodness, did I feel embarassed when the surprise was revealed! For Kehlee's party, we still kept her out for a few hours while evryone else decorated, and then we all made her wait outside while we hid, so that we could jump out and surprise her... *^^* I loved everyone I met at this gathering! Kehlee has such wonderful friends... *^^*

Aside from spending time with various friends, I have been hard at work on... cosplay! ^^; I have missed having time to sew and work on a purely recreational hobby soooo much... Kathryn and I are still considering attending Otakon, but unfortunately, we don't have anyone stay with, and all of the 'affordable' hotel rooms close to the convention center have been filled... I would love to go, but I really don't see how it will be possible to do so... in any case, we still plan to work on a few costume projects in the next several weeks, and we hope to _finally_ get a website up and running, to share pictures with friends. ^^ We just need to find someone to be our photographer? ^^;

^^ Happy (belated) anniversary, Elaine and Michiru! *^^*

And Laura, I hope you are feeling completely rested and recovered from your surgery! ^^

Wed, 29 May 2002 19:28:11 GMT

*^^* I received a postcard in the mail from my sister, who recently moved to Australia... I really hope I can visit her sometime soon-- it is so beautiful there! ^^

Animazement

Tue, 28 May 2002 22:31:00 GMT

*^^* Oh, dear-- for some reason, I keep losing my entry, and this is the third time I have had to begin this post! I am to tired to try and type up everything again, so I will save details for later.

^^ Unfortunately, I was sick over the weekend, and presently recovering, but I still enjoyed the convention very much, especially spending time with friends, and seeing all of the wonderful costumes that other cosplayers wore! ^^ Everyone was so nice, and seemed to be having so much fun. Kathryn and I did enter the cosplay contest, but it was at the very last possible second, and we were not expecting to do so-- truly, we walked up as there were only a handful of groups left in line to go on stage, and we were granted permission to enter. It had taken us so long to get ready; consequentally we had missed the time deadline, and thought for certain that we had missed our chance. In all honesty, I do not really enjoy competition, but I really wanted to receive some of the prize money for Kathryn, in order to help with various costuming expenses. It really made the entire weekend extra-special. ^^

Because I was ill, and we were both working so hard even at the convetion to get everything finished, we simply did not have time to wear all of the costumes we had brought-- so I feel silly now for fretting over not finishing all of mine~ We only wore Yuna's wedding gown and the Princess Garnet costume for our friends, and did not go downstairs~ but we will take pictures soon! Kathryn looks so beautiful in her gown... ^^ And Kehlee looked beautiful in her X costume, as well! I wish we knew more people who cosplayed at the convetions we attend, because everyone seemes so nice... ^^

Pudding and Ulala

and here we are on fansview with our sign! ^^ and here we are receiving the award, amoung other shots on fansview... ^^ I am so greatful that Mr. Lillard was kind enough to grant our request of taking a picture with a sign-- he even provided the sharpie~ ^^

That is all that I can locate so far, but I will post additional photos if I find any. ^^

Thu, 23 May 2002 19:10:08 GMT

I am leaving in just a few moments for Raleigh-- I will most likely return on Sunday, rather than accompany Lindsey up north. ^^ Thank you everyone for the sweet comments you have left!

For those of you who are interested in such things, ^^ Kathryn and I wil be wearing Ulala and Pudding costumes on Friday afternoon, and alternate Frida and Comet costumes late Friday evening. On Saturday, we will be doing a few Final Fantasy costumes... ^^ Yay! *^^* We will try and take plenty of pictures! I have to go! Bye! *blows kisses* ^^

Thu, 23 May 2002 04:18:44 GMT

^^ What a nice surprise, to awaken from a nap earlier this evening, and hear Laura's voice! *^^* I think she only called because she was quite famished at the end of her long workday, and I remind her of a cinnabon... ^~

I will be leaving for Raleigh tomorrow afternoon-- it is only a two or three hour drive, so our actual traveling should be pleasant enough. I am so excited to see everyone! ^^ I only wish that I had more energy... I still am not certain if I will go to Virginia and Washington on Sunday, or return to Charlotte... ^^;

Wed, 22 May 2002 04:45:58 GMT

This is so cute! And so entertaining! *^^* *click click click* ^^

Thank you... ^^

Mon, 20 May 2002 05:17:12 GMT

I just wanted to say a simple 'thank you' once again to Laura and Michiru for encouraging me to keep any sort of journal again, and for helping to make everything so pretty. ^^ And thank you again, Kat, for making my livejournal even more 'special'... *^^* And also, thank you to anyone and everyone who has either added me to their friend list, or simply taken the time to read, or post a comment... it is very difficult for me to perceive anything I have to say as particularly worthwhile, but it is very touching to know that there are wonderful and thoughtful people out there who do care, even just a little.. ^^

Mon, 20 May 2002 04:56:43 GMT

It is so.. unusual... for there to be a Sunday night upon which I am not keeping some academic vigil for the following morning... ^^ Of course, my sewing is keeping me quite occupied, but then, it is a source of creative joy and stimulation, whereas an accounting homework assignment... simply is not! ^^

I received a telephone call from my friend Lindsey-- yay! ^^ We haven't spoken in two or three weeks, what with finals, and her responsibilites as an RA.. Lindsey received a grant to complete a project this summer, which will involve travelling around the country. She has invited me to join her on any of the journies... what an adventure that would be! ^^ Particularly as it would mean a chance to visit with friends scattered around the country... though I doubt I would be so brave as to venture with her beyond the eastern coast. The one trip I am most tempted to join her on will take place the following week, immediately prior to Animazement-- Virginia and Washington DC... I received a letter in the mail from Danielle in Finnland, detailing that her return to the United States will be next week, and she will be arriving in Washington... could such perfect timing be more than coincidence? *^^* After a year apart, my heart is so upliftied at the very thought of being there to greet her at the airport, and accompany her on the drive back to North Carolina... I just don't know if I will have the energy after this weekend to leave from Raleigh and head for Virginia. This has presented such a dilema, and I am quite torn as to what to do...

^^ Lindsey has a new boyfriend, and I could not be happier for her-- the happiness in her voice as she speaks of him is something I have not heard in some time, and it makes me so glad... as she will be staying with him in Raleigh at the end of the week, there is a chance I might have the pleasure of meeting him over dinner; I certainly hope so. ^^

Laura!! *^^* *hug* I am so sorry I missed your telephone call... ;-; I hope we can talk soon! ^^ Please please please let me know how things turn out, tomorrow...

The X-files series finale concluded on a very sweet note... ^^ much like the entire series, they moved together as if to kiss, lingered, and while they did not, they fell into an embrace just as romantic, and even more meaningful...

Sun, 19 May 2002 04:35:06 GMT

*^^* Kathryn and I are presently hard at work on various costumes intended for Animazement... which I have realized, today, we shall depart for this Thursday! ^^; I had no idea-- I know I looked at a calendar at some point, but I didn't quite realize what part of the month it was at any given moment in relation to what part of the month Animazement fell... oh, my! ^^; Dates are so confusing! ^^

Goodness... I have not browsed cosplay websites or message boards in some time, but after glancing around briefly this evening, I was dismayed to see the increasing number of people who have stepped down from their cosplay pursuits, not out of lack of interest or funds so much as from frustration with the negative attention they received while cosplaying. I also noticed ever so many impolite comments directed at those cosplayers who are somewhat well known by internet... and I just could not believe the unkind and hurtful remarks... perhaps I am alone in this perspective, but it seems that if you find something distasteful or unattractive, you should remove yourself from its presense, rather than go out of your way to say negative things... ;-;

^^; Perhaps all the negativity I have observed explains in part why I am so nervous about attending any more conventions... I absolutely cringe to think about anyone even noticing me, let alone saying disparaging things of me...